Single Getting Hooked - Are You Ready Young Lady?

by Mr. Ishwar Parmar | Chapter 2, Act 1

They say it’s like a fairy tale – but in reality it is but a transition in the life of a girl. The reality in question here is often referred to the ‘big day’ in the life of a girl – her wedding! It is this one event that literally changes everything in her life. She leaves her home to join her husband, works on a new set of relations, changes the way she lives (no more late mornings or mummy reminding her to eat breakfast), she has to alter her fashion (yes, some in-laws can be very particular about the clothes that their daughters- in- law wear). At times she may have to adapt to new eating habits and the list can go on. Well, there are some very positive changes that come over a girl, the foremost being that she now becomes a daughter-in-law from just being her parent’s daughter, the change of her surname brings about a new identity, a new role that she has to adorn and with it responsibilities that she must shoulder and certain duties that she has to perform. Getting married is not just another activity but a phase that, before getting into, a girl must fully understand. She should know that her life is about to change. The girl child today is well educated, well placed in life, and is independent; but these aren’t enough as she needs to be prepared before she enters into wedlock. No matter how educated or rich or beautiful she may be- these qualities will not keep a marriage alive for a long time. The consequence of being unprepared leaves not just the couple but both families shattered. Hence, it is essential to give a thought to this before one gets into holy matrimony.

Prepare thyself

Matrimony isn’t a game of doll play and thus an impulsive decision based on surging hormones should be avoided. For a girl, this is the most important decision in her life; one that will impact her present and determine the future. Living in a bubble is not what is needed here and the decision to marry must be taken only when the girl is prepared physically, mentally and emotionally. She also has to establish herself professionally and be spiritually grounded so as to ensure a successful marriage.

Mental well-being over imbalance for a successful marriage

Now how does one prepare herself mentally? The answer is simple – she must have an attitude of acceptance; that life after marriage isn’t ‘happily ever after’ like they tell us in story books. She needs to examine herself and see if she is mentally prepared for this. She needs to understand that getting into wedlock brings with it much commitment, responsibility and that she would need to respond to situations with a great deal of sensibilities. She needs to assess herself whether she has that level of maturity to adjust to the changes that will come her way? Does she have it in her to be extremely patient? Will she be able to deal with others in a manner that is beneficial to both? Does she have the energy to perform the various roles that she has to adorn? The truth is everything begins in the mind and a girl who is mentally strong will have what it takes to keep her marriage alive.

Physical matters of strength to cope with the married life

The physical aspect involves being fit for this new phase in her life. A marriage needs both partners to be energetic and enthusiastic, active and instinctive. The outward appearance speaks volumes about one’s inner personality. The good thing here is that a girl who takes care of herself well will know what it takes to look after those who are around her. How does she achieve physical well-being? For starters, eating a well and balanced diet is essential as this takes care of not just the body but the mind as well. A body that lacks proper nutrition will render the person lethargic, prone to bouts of fatigue, illness, heightened levels of frustration and this will most naturally have an effect in her married life. A weak body will lead to a weak mind. It is imperative that the girl prepares herself well enough – be bright, t and radiant, eat well and pamper herself.

Sound emotional recesses that will help pull through those trough-like situations

The emotions need serious control as one steps into this new phase of life. New surroundings, new people, a new lifestyle and a lot more things new will take its toll on one’s emotional recesses. Cross-cultural marriages, situations when the girl has to shift cities and the whole act of adjustment will throw quite a bit of challenge at the girl. Once the fairy tale wedding ceremony is over and done, it will not be long before she starts to miss her maternal home and family members. To add to that the pressure of living up to everyone’s expectations is immense and the obvious clash of personalities, habits and attitudes. Both the husband and wife need time to get to know each other. The girl then has to adjust to the various members of her husband’s family, adapt to their style of living, their way of talking and how they respond to one another. This can be extremely stressful if the girl is emotionally underprepared. This will lead to her getting angry and frustrated and finally throw her into depression. A girl who is emotionally strong will know how to handle such feelings and work them for the betterment of her marriage. An emotionally unstable person can wreck havoc in others life, destroy relationships and ruin all that life has blessed her with. Therefore, emotional maturity is a must before you change your prefix from Miss to Mrs!

Harnessing all that spiritual goodness to keep the marriage on track

As progressive as our country may be, there are certain issues that still plague the social mindset – one of them being the idea of a woman working after marriage. While the concept of the ‘homemaker housewife’ dominates, there is much adjustment that the girl has to make when she chooses to tie the knot. While some families may allow their daughter-in-law to work, she is also expected to take care of the house – a double role where both need to be performed to the best of her capacity. Therefore, the girl must bring up the topic of employment with her fiancé and his family well before they get married. The issue needs to be discussed and a consensus reached.

This will help avoid disappointment later. If the girl is blessed with a family that is fine with her being employed, then this will help her fiancé and her prepare for the dual responsibility of handling office and house work better.

Matters of spirituality

The spiritual part involves preparing oneself as one enters into this new phase of life. For a healthy marriage that lasts till ‘death do us part,’ needs all the spiritual fruits of love, patience, positivity, a caring nature, a friendly touch and concern. One must be ready to forgive one another and not harbour bitter feelings when problems occur in marriage. A strong spiritual demeanour will help the girl be calm and deal with situations well, ensuring that the relationship remains intact and that the peace of the family isn’t compromised. If one is to ask those couples who marriages have failed, they will tell you that the lack of a spiritual approach to problems is the reason behind it. So it is essential for a girl to be spiritually sound so that she is able to handle her wedded life with a calm disposition.

This may sound funny, but just as a student prepares himself/herself for an examination, a girl ought to prepare herself well before she decides to get married and step into a new phase of her life. She needs to see where she stands in all the aspects mentioned above. A hasty decision driven by frantic emotion will only lead to destruction and ruin – a ruin that can at times take a lifetime to set right again. So, this is a message to all those girls out there who are eager to live their fairy tale and get on to the bandwagon of marriage – take a moment to think of what you are getting into, see if you are prepared to handle what this new life will throw at you. If not, why hurry? Take the time to build yourself and trust me, the life that follows is beautiful with smiles even in the face of distress. It is time for you to take control of your life, get things straight. Going well prepared into something new like marriage (it happens once in a lifetime) is important. Go underprepared and you risk your well-being and the peace of the family you enter into.